TALK TO ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Kno What U Mean, Simular Situation Happend To Me

Personally, I think familes are always so busy that they only take time away from their lives during a tragedy. Families come together again in touch situations and people clash. People are wanting to get back to the every day grind, while the other part of the family is fighting through some tragedy. My family only gets together for a funeral and we never know what to say to each other so we just stand around looking at each other. My granny died this past summer and we didn’t know what to say, because she and my grandpa (Pap Pap) were always the ones who brought us together. When they left, no one was the ring leader, so we didn’t know what to say. I think its effed up too, J.

U r so right it is fucked up..cuz i met my great aunt 4 yrs ago when my grand father passed and i havent seen her or tht whole side since then..But when they see u they wanna act fake and give fake smiles and fake hugs i cnt stand it..i think if u wanna say ur family u have to act like it….u cant jus come around wen sumone passes and expect all to b jolly no nigga wht this look like…i dunno where they do tht at but where i live if i dnt kno u family or not im not gonna fake smile in ur face srry not happenin.. n it probably brings out tha dark side cuz like i said jus a bunch of fake ness and if u have a family like mine tht call shit out when we see it it turns ugly..smh its a shame but its tru

Personally, I’m grateful that my family (dad’s side) gets together ALL THE TIME. We have a pretty large family (i have about 30 first cousins on that side alone) and mostly everyone lives within 30mins from each other. Sadly on my mom’s side, the only large get together is when a funeral takes place or someone is sick as you stated. I never got to spend much time with that side of the fam for that reason alone, they hardly made plans to get together.

It brings out the dark because of the money.. Thats the main reason or why did her or she leave so and so in charge when really I was with her all the time.. The other reason is cuz with death brings people together. You wanna say your good byes to that person as well remember the good things they did so in that case it brings family together

Good movie . I saw it not to long ago . But to answer your question, I think it’s because people are STUBBORN . They rather not talk than to apologize . Then when someone dies and they realize how stupid it was they go into this dark place .

Im not sure what its all about….i dont do funerals either..i just dont want that to be the last image of my LOVED one…but on a lighter note..thats why i try 2 keep my FAMILY inter~active ..dinners…sports..bdays…anything jus so we can ALL get 2gether

I think one reason is because we as people do not express our feelings and communicate with people while they are living on earth. We wait until after they are dead to really respect their life. This can spur many emotions in people: hurt and pain usually. And we don’t always know how to express ourselves in a positive way when we’re hurt. Just a thought 🙂

My prespective is that if your family only come together when bad things happen its not a great bond with everyone. It must be a lot of gospel going around and people always asking for them but want it back in return like we are all family why you want something back off of a favor. Thats how it is now because my family is the same way. I feel you on that J.D & this is coming from a 15 year old.

“WahMossLBW”

man thats hella true…i fill lts a family reunion..with drama…

People get comfortable with a certain group of the family instead of reaching out. Some get caught up in their own issues and lives, and it just takes death to snap them out of it. That’s something that they feel they have to be a part of. Most people don’t initiate family get-togethers. If they did, I don’t think this would be an issue. I know that in my family, some people stay away because there’s alway some sort of drama or fight to break out. For some people, I don’t think it’s intentional. Like for me, I love my family, and I loooooove when we get together, but I don’t even call them, and they don’t call me. My mother stays in touch, and just for me to know they’re ok, I’m fine.

I agree with u JD, that is the only time u see family that u have not seeing in years. Also why do we have to wait till someone dies to tell everyone how much we loved them! It gets ugly when there’s money involved! Sad but true.

In my opinion, alot of people think of a family member’s death as a jackpot. They expect something whether it be money left behind for them or they’ve been waiting for someone to die so they could get what they want. Showing up to a funeral isn’t genuine. Other people go to funerals out of guilt sometimes and the last reason, in my opinion (for Black people anyway) is so they can go to the house and eat up all the food afterwards. This is just from my experience.I helped my motheer take care of my grandmother for 10 years nobody else helped even though we had a bus load of family but whn she passed away August’08 all these people want to come out of the woodworks and show up at our house UNINVITED!…for a repass. That shit is unacceptable

Funeral + Repass + Free food = ignorant niggas

I feel u on this. Alot of ppl come together out of respect regardless of whether they were close to the individual or not, while others come just so they can talk about who came and why others didn’t. These ppl show up talking about the other family members that are there saying “they’re just here b/c of this or that” when in reality they have no room to talk. As sad as it is depending on the circumstance of the death, some folks only show up b/c they feel if they show their face then they might just get a piece of that insurance check coming in right? Trust me I’ve seen this recently in my own family. I’m not gon’ go into details but I had to show a side of myself that I don’t let come out too often. I felt the need to react this way b/c I’m not the one to tolerate fake personalities. If I feel u fronting, then please believe you WILL be called out regardless of relation, age, gender whatever. I think that we as a ppl are so trapped in our own lives and our own problems that we have no reason to speak to “lost” family members unless someone has died or gotten sick. This is sad, but unfortunately this is the culture that we as a society have created for ourselves. Let’s just hope our children choose to do better.

The thing is funerals bring families together because (for the most part) people are too busy otherwise. I have been to more funerals in my 29 years than graduations, weddings and baby showers combined, which is really sad. When you are ‘living the life,” do you really spend as much time with your family as you should no? On the other hand all of that grinding is setting them up for a better life, yet will they understand? No they wont. Therefore you have a dilemma.

Funerals bring out the dark side of people becuase that is the way some people truly are…Heartless bastards! I have seen people fight over money before a Negro’s body gets cold. One of my clients was murdered by her boyfriend and his family came to the funeral to “inquire’ about custody of these now motherless children. True stories.

Appreciate those in your life that are truly down for you because when sh*t gets real everyone turns their back. That is until the funeral and the reading of the will when everyone wants their share of your paper & assets and the fake tears, hollering and “Lawd Jesus” starts.
Peace
Social worker and broke, yet gratefully employed Lifer. BONG!

U r 100% right JD. It seems some families only get together for wedding or funerals! Its some bullshit I don’t understand wither!

Yea it is fukked up i have a older brother from my dads previous marriage hes much older and wen i was younger i used to wonder about hanging out with him getting to no him y i never met him and who he was…im now in my 20’s ive only met my “brother” three times My great grandmas 100th bday, my great grandmas funeral and my grand fathers funeral next time i meet him im pretty sure it will be a my daddy’s funeral :\ and im pretty sure it might get ugly wen it gets down to the money and assets part. I always recognize him as a sibling but i have often wondered if he does the same i would assume not since he has never reached out to me or “our” other brothers and sister from my dad n mom.

In a reasonable way.. That’s a good thing for some families because everybody is not meant to be around certain people very often.. I feel that my mothers relationship wouldn’t be as good with some of my older family members because of some of their everyday ways..mixed with hers. So sometimes it’s good to keep distance and show luv at a gathering or pass by.. Atleast I think so

Its the only time families come together because really what excuse are you going to give to not show up?!
it is disgusting. ‘m usually so sad that I’m not aware others in my surroundings. I treat it like a final meeting between me ans the one I love. Then i leave, I dont care to share my sad feelings with others.

My family n extended family comes together all the time! I have a gfriend that always tells me that my family will have a bar b q cause the sky is blue we love to get together and have fun. We celebrate mothers day at my gmas (she will be 91 this yr) all my aunts unlces cousins etc.

I HATE funerals but not because it brings out the worst in my family just never did handle death well.

I wish we had more BLACK married families period anyway BTW

So many of you sd it….why come to say GOODbye…when u dont even say HELLO??

I haven’t gone to a funeral since the late 70’s however, I went to 2 memorial srvs in 03 (aunt joyce/name sake, jada/granddaughter). The bible says let the dead burry the dead. I think funerals bring out the worst in some because there’s unresolved issue between certain family members or the family member my have that type of issue with the deceased. At times, it’s that someone has had too much alcohol. Times like this (death or hospitalization) are often the first time you are meeting certain family members. Some invest more time with business affairs than they do with loved one or there’s a lack of love, which caused those wedges. Often many don’t realize that family/loved one are irreplacable until it’s too late. If you can’t comunicate & love while a person is alive what purpose could it serve after that person is not able to respond/feel it/recieve it.

i Know what you mean my grandma died on the day after my momas birthday so you can imagine how our house is now…. and that was ha life and he best friend so its not the same..hea

I think funerals bring out the worst in ppl because of the perception of what they think is thought to be owed to them after being wit hthat person and doing stuff for the person who has died. or if the person has a high profile they fight because they want control over everything that has been left so that way they can become rich or whatever. money greed and power is esstiantially what comes out when ppl go to funerals. its especially bad if the person duing is on their death bed and ppl r trying to get that person to sign off on stuff right there n then n to lock out the other family. while the real family members r left with nothing except for the bill for the funeral and the stress that comes along with it. a perfect example can b seen in gran torino. the family of clint eastwoods never took time out to just see him they always had an angle or alterior motive, where as the hmong neighbours got to know him better than his own family. he was treated with respect. and in the end he left nearly everything to them instead of his family.

Funerals and weddings bring my family together. People branch off into their immediate families and hectic work schedules, and life often make it hard to get together on a regular basis.

I BEEN TO A FUNERAL ONCE. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THE PERSON. SHE DIED OF LIVER CANCER. SHE’S MY DADS COUSIN, BUT I NEVER MET HER IN MY LIFE. IT WAS SAD, BUT NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, IT SCARES ME BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO DIE EVER, I DON’T KNOW IF THERE IS SUCH THING IS HEAVEN AND HELL. I JUST THINK ONCE YOU LIFE IS OVER, IT’S OVER AND YOU NEVER COME BACK GOD ONLY GIVES EVERYBODY 100 YEARS TO LIVE, IF YOU CUT YOUR LIFE SHORT, THAT’S YOUR FAULT. YOU CAN NEVER REGRET ONCE YOU DIED.

yes not easy go to Runeral, I has happend to me My Dad pass way. JD, why you did go to MJ’s Runearl? I do undersatnd now,

ill simplify this, because people aint shit, and family is just a fancy word. just cause someone is your family, dont make them shit. those movies are stupid. theyre just tear jerkers. not real at all. we all know after a funeral, lessons are still not learned, and people mostly still go back to their normal shenanigans eventually. people are just robots most of the time. they just do stuff to do stuff, feel bad for a moment, and then go back to being a cold robot. family usually comes together for big events out of respect for the deceased. thats about it. no need to expect much more than that. just pay your respects and move on in my opinion, and take from it what you will, regardless of how others go on about their bullshit.

Well JD its all about money and what the family can get from the deceased person. Most of the time thats the only reason people show up to the funeral, to see what they can get. My mother allways told me that she trys to spend most of her money now casue when she leaves here, she wont be able to take it with her. For a long time i did not undestand what she was saying. But now that Im older, I really understand that you should look out for your spouse and children and fuck everybody else.

Being completely real, people have to deal with their lives so it can be difficult to keep in contact with everyone in your fam on a regular basis. My family is all over the place. Trying to keep up with everyone elses lives as well as maintaining your own is very difficult.

I co.sign with u J. Fam aint fam no more, families are either competing about what they got or talking behind each others back. It’s sad coz i also find myself not knowing what to say to family members at a particular gathering…It’s like Family members have dis stupid pride amongst each other on sum “I’m way more better than you” and for what? i really don’t know coz at da end of the day we family or are we really? like i said fam aint fam no more…Family values have gone right out of the window wich is sad.

Well…I’ve been to 4 funerals. The last one being my dad a year ago come February. The first one being my homeboy. The two in between was my aunts ex husband who I never met and then the one after that was a friend of mines dad.
So the first and last I ones where the most hard for me. But because family can be difficult and stupid at times like this, especially my family. I pleaded to my mom to not invite certain ones to my fathers funeral for the simple fact that they didn’t really respect him they just used him when they needed to get out of a bind. My father was a lawyer and had just become a Judge before he died. I knew they’d come after not ever picking up the phone and thanking him for all he’s done and be the loudest crying and yelling making a scene type bullshit. And I wasn’t haven that. So my mom agreed and did so. She literally told them that it wouldn’t be a good idea for them to attend..and that she was calling to let them know that he passed. And then there were ones she was calling to come cause she thought for sure they’d show.They didn’t and so we learned that we had even more members that were just complete losers. So yeah. I’m kinda glad it wasn’t some kind of reunion. Cause as of today, I only talk to 2 aunts..one uncle and three cousins. And we got hella people in my family. Now when my grandparents die, I don’t have any control over that funeral day. It’s gonna be straight clownin. However, it will be a good day too. As awful as that may sound, it will be the last time I have any reason to be in the same room at the same time with people I can’t stand. Wow…maybe I’ve said too much. If yall only knew the long version of my family and all the fucked up trimmings…LOL. I would love to tell yall what went down after my grandparents pass. That will be a movie in itself….LMAO!

I think its because that with (SOME) black families there’s always drama (at least mine!!!). I’m in the military and I don’t go home very often just cause it’s always something going on and I never feel like dealing with it. I know thats f’d up but thats how me and my family are with each other. So when something unfortunate does happen I think thats the only time that we actually take the time to bond with each other and really truely come together and be a family.

FIRST OF ALL …FAMILY IS WHO CARES AND WHO LOVES… AND PEOPLE USUALLY GO TO FUNERALS TO KEEP THEIR CONSCIENTS CLEAR AND FEEL LIKE AT LEAST THEY DID SOMETHING RIGHT …

Reading this thread makes me feel like as much as we r different we are really the same..everybody has some family members that act a fool…my mom taught us to love each other unconditionally and I’m glad that we stay close.. As for those extended family members that I only see at these type of occasions I am cordial, and then keep it moving…

Some might still have animosity towards each other over something or they just plain dont like each other.

What up jd! thats a good questions. I think it because those situation make ppl realize that FAmily is important and that Life is 2 short to carry old baggage whether its persoanlity issues, or wrongdoing that other fam members have done 2 each other over the yrs. Death makes ppl realize whats important. I think it humbles so families its sad but true! I wish my fam was close with my entire fam! It sad to see some fam with an US vs THEM mentality.

Funerals bring out the dark side in people because IF they were close to the person that died, then they’re already in a messed up mood so it doesn’t take much to tip that scale (so to speak). On top of that there’s always somebody in the family that doesn’t rub everybody else the right way, & they’re normally the person that will say something that is “off-cuff” & completely unsuitable for the situation.
Luckily for me everybody that I’m really close to in my family is still here, but there was this 1 funeral that I went to where my mean, nasty(as in attitude) great aunt just wouldn’t quit with the nonsense ALL DAY……so finally, when she made her way to trying to work my nerves I told her that the next funeral might be hers if she don’t BACK OFF, needless to say she stayed mum until I left. I know that was mean & slightly evil of me but she had my mom shaking cause she was so upset w/what was going on & somebody had to tell her.

It’s 1 of the only times you see your whole family, besides weddings & like baby showers because once everybody is grown up their lives seldom involve their family at all. I know it’s sad, but it’s just the way that things work themselves out to be. They say, you choose your friends but you can’t choose your family and that is so true. As you grow up the things that you take interest in are normally not the same things that the rest of your family is into. So you find people to hang out with that share your same interests and try to keep that & your family relationships completely separate. Add onto that your hectic work schedule & the fact that there are at least a couple of people in your fam that u don’t really care to be involved with, then u get the sad reality of only seeing a lot of your family members at funerals.

2 the people saying that it’s family members being fake & stuff along those lines, I don’t think that’s it at all.
When I was younger, I can only recall going to my grandma’s funeral & I was so young that my mom wouldn’t let me go to the burial. I’m sure that in between then & now there were a bunch of other family members that died but my mother felt that it would be so traumatizing to in a sense make funerals a “second home” for us. She went to some & made us go to school/ whatever especially when she knew that we didn’t really know the person. On the other hand, I have this aunt that used to bring my twin cousins to the funeral of literally everybody that died that she crossed paths with……….that was until they were both so emotionally distressed from it all & had to see a psychiatrist about it.
I thank my mother very much for knowing that there was a limit, but that’s not always the case. Now that I’m a grown-up I’ve been to 2 funerals, the 1 I mentioned earlier & my uncle’s funeral..not because there was bad blood or anything like that but because it is ok to limit the traumas that you expose yourself to. I guess that is my point!

Great question, JD. I say that because I have some family that I know I need to get in touch with. I guess we’re all so busy living our lives that we get caught up and lose touch. But death or illness always snaps us back to reality. I guess it’s just human nature to think that we have time to make up for what we shouldve been doing all along.

And the fact is you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. Sometimes there are family members that just don’t go well together. And you’ll do more damage trying to force it rather than just letting it be. Others times it’s just petty egos getting in the way. Whatever the reason for the disconnect, it’s important that we be able to lean on one another in times of need. At least that’s the way my family is. We may not always get along but anyone who wants to or needs to reconnect is never turned away.

I think that funerals bring the worst out in people because there are so many different emotions that people are feeling and they don’t know how to handle those emotions so they begin lashing out at each other. I think funerals are one of the only times the entire family gets together because they are always too busy until tragedy strikes and then they just want to be there and have that last opportunity, even though their loved one is gone everyone still wants that last and final moment.

In my humble opinion 100% of my family comes together no matter what. When we are called we come together. Not all funerals present a dark side. As a matter of fact, I have been through a few funerals and have not witness this dark side that you are speaking about. I guess it has a lot to do with my family faith in God. Witnessing ugly funerals should not stop you from showing your respect for the dead, unless you think that you have better things to do. We’re born to die and that’s a fact. Funerals might bring out the dark side of some families not all. Maybe you should spend more time with those who truly understand the meaning of “living”. Most of all, my family usually meet everyone at family reunions not funerals.

to be honest i always wanted to know the same thing because the last time i seen ALL of my family really come together was a few years back when my granny died. i had met people that i’ve never seen in my life from all over the place, it was crazy but it felt good to be around all of my family. since my granny’s death i havent even seen mostly any of them, no one even comes around anymore and i think its so sad.

THE REASON PEOPLE DONT COME TOGETHER AS FAMILY UNTIL SOMEONE DIES IS BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE THE TIME…THEY DONT TAKE THE TIME FOR THEIR OWN DAMN KIDS….THEN WHEN SOMEONE CLOSE TO THEM PSSES ON THEY FILL GUILT….IF I COULD I WOULD I SHOULD I….ITS TO LATE THEN. THATS WHEN THE WANTING TO HAVE SOMETHING OF THE DEARIE DEPARTED COME IN…AND THE ARGUING BEGINS!

so true!! my cousin died everyone got together & showed support. made false promises of getting together more often, hugged & kissed.

funerals bring out the guilt, and sometimes the truth within families. they feel as if since everyone is here let me put what i feel out there, nothing is holding them back and emotions are going crazy.